Flowers and colours

Salam Maulidur Rasul

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Tentang mimpi

Few days back..wait or maybe last weekend kot, sembang on the phone ngan mak aku. Lepas citer about this and that, dia citer kat aku pasai satu mimpi dia nih. Memang la dia kata mimpi tokley diikut2..mainan tido sumer tu. Anyway, dia citer la sometime ago dia mimpi sorang pompuan pakai rantai, rantai tu elok2 jer terletaknya. Takder bercakap takder apa..just dia mimpi di tengok sorang pompuan ni pakai rantai.

Bila siangnya, dia terpkir...aiii saper la pulak ni...heheh u know what i mean or not? konon2nya mimpi rantai ni cam petanda nak masuk rezeki..i dunno..dia sendiri pon kata jgn caya...tp 2 kali aku preggie dulu, 2 kali dia mimpi rantai and yeap sebulan sebelum aku misscariage dulu, dia mimpi dia yg keguguran. Anyway, patut laaa ada satu masa tu..dia kerap call aku kejap2 jer and tanya kabar aku jer..sihat ker..sihat ker..aku biasa lah sihat2 jer....then ropernyer dia cakap smlm, sister in law aku preggie....alhamdulillah good news indeed..elok la menambah ahli keluarga kitaorg dah mentelah aku nih lambat kan..

Tapi mak aku punyer la understanding..masa sembang2 tu..dia ada terkeluo jugak la..kalau aku preggie time2 skang ni ngan aku final year, nak writing jenuh kang *ni aku la give her this idea ihikss*, dia takder sini nka tolong2 and all...dalam hati aku, understanding nyer laa mak aku..paham keadaan aku as a student sini dok jauh dari family. And yes mother in law aku pon sporting in the sense that dia redha bila kitaorg still got no kids. Tak sure blakang aku camana tp gerak hati kata mmg dia sunggohnyer terima situasi kitaorg.

hrmm...tp actually dengo2 citer kengkawan yg give birth kat sini kata sonok...in terms of expertise Dr sini, berhalusnya Dr sini and treatment yg depa bagi. Moreover, being a student...bersalin sini is covered in our insurance..so basically free with best treatment! Untung woo saper bersalin kat oversea ni..i mean, di sydney lah yg aku tau...tempat lain taktau la pulak..so cepat cepat yanie! noreen! fiesh! u guys non-student sini..apa laaagiii gigih usaha lekaihh!! hahaha pandaiii jer nak bagi moral support kat orang eks haha wai sistah dearie aku tu ermm.....sebabkan dah ada policy baru spouse yg abes blajo kena terus balik cant prolong or wait for the wife/hubby..so ermm i'd say, God knows best for u guys yer..

Oh ya....kawan baik aku sorang tu, si wa..dah beransur baik dah dengo2nya alhamdulillah..so saper2 yg tolong doakan dia haritu, thanks so much..love ya ok! semoga korang pon sihat2 sejahtera hendaknya....

Away

Aku baru dapat tau that a very dear old friend of mine tengah dalam coma skang kat mesia. Dia accident actually bulan 1 haritu and teruk sampai tulang blakang dia patah, kaki kiri dia teruk tokleh gerak. Sempat connected/sembang ngan dia minggu lepas selepas bertahun2 lost contact. Tu pon lepas aku dengo dia accident teruk dari orang lain, terus aku search dia hi and lo and tanya kabar dia. After a while dia tetiba senyap nih and semalam dapat berita dia dalam coma laks..hrm...aku doakan dia sedar kembali dan cepat pulihnya nanti. Paling sedih bila aku dapat tau, rupanya masa dia baru sedar lepas operate tulang blakang tu and bed ridden, dia cam tokley terima keadaan dia camtu...takmo orang datang lawat dia..yer lah sbb dia ni memang hyperactive orangnya...hrmm...masa sembang ngan aku sebelum dia coma tu..elok2 jer dia, we catch up stories and all.....hrmm korang doakan sama utk dia yer, tq....

..hrmm..harini aku tak gi school nih, away for that visa interview at the city. Hopefully all's good with us.

What matters

hrmm..semalam kitaorg kat sini terkejut ngan berita kematian shah, driver pengarah msd sini..kawan badminton amran gaks tu...moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat...takut la ngan road bully nih kan...kita mana tau, kot2 teraccident ngan org yg baran yg kuat berdendam ker yg mabuk ker..ehh yg mabuk leh bunuh ker? i mean, depa sure takkan larat nak lari kejor victim and bunuh kan?...hrmm....apa2 pon ekceli aku tak sabo gaks nak tau saper pembunuh dia tuh, i mean bangsa dia..local kah, malay kah, or bangsa lain kah...hrmm..

Semalam kat univ aku nih dah bising hiruk pikuk student2 dah masuk balik. Mostly bebudak freshie la nampaknyer. Nampak depa dok jalan in groups ngan faci in yellow tshirt bawak depa ronda2 and tunjuk & explain of the faculties and centres kat sini. Time nak balik dari school malam tadi, tengok depa tayang citer the blind side kat giant screen kat lawn building aku nih. Memang ada function sempena orientation day smlm pon..byk gerai2 bukak and also concert tah gapo tah, suara tak sedap pon ihiksss. Ramai gaks bebudak melepak malam tadi kat padang tu nengok movie tu..amran ajak aku lepak situ gaks nengok movie tp sbb aku dah lapo sangat dah masa tu so tak jadik..terus balik sajork. Citer blind side ni pon masuk dalam list gaks nak tengok nenanti sbb sandra bullock ada..idak kalu, ley tengok free ajer smlm kan. hrmm..maksudnya, kalau la ni week 0-orientaion week, haruslah next week start lecture..and the other week tutorial pon start lahh nih..

Of emails

...have a good week ahead to us all!

Random saturday

Yeah...another typical, random one.

Semalam dok sambung dvd tu..lom abes gaks agik..hehe biasa la kejap2 pause dalam menyambil2 tuh. Gi paddy's japs perabihkan beli token tuk survey responden aku tuh.. pending quite sometime dah nih, tp hat ni last batch to send off and then setel dah. Aku wrap up sumer and pos pada adik ipar aku, bg dia duit stem and mintak dia pos kan ke those individuals...murah sket banding ngan dari sini. Lega aku part ni setel, obligation aku setel dah.

Ahaa semalam gi nengok movie citer valentine's day. Actually masa aku nengok citer avatar haritu ada iklan hat ni mmg tingin nak gi tengok. Pehtu semalam masa nak gi wayang tu aku ley lupa apa yg nyebabkan aku nak nengok sangat citer nih. I remember masa snippet dia hari tu aku pesan kata nak tengok citer ni bila kuor nanti. Tapi semalam masa baca sinopsis citer dia sket sebelum beli tiket tu, i thot to myself ehh idaklah cam best sgt citer dia..camno aku leh nak tengok sgt2 haritu. Neway, gi tengok jugak...citer ringan2 jer but sweet gaks lar..lagu2 soundtracks dia pon sweet gaks.

Semalm gi la tj nak beli lauk basah and also tulang seperti diwar2 tu kan hehehe lawak la smlm. Aku tengok ada orang baru tp yg peliknye masa mula2 dia tengok aku dia cam terkejut macam kenai aku jer...Then aku pon mintak lar daging la itu ini and as usual aku slang kan sket lar cakap aku ni ikut slang indon kan heheh sbb dah biasa gini. Pehtu, aku dengo mamat tu balas balik macam ala2 not indon. Aku tanya la dia, 'u ni malaysian ker indonesian' sbb aku curious sgt haha..then dia jawab, 'malaysian kak'. hahahah aku terus gelak besar yg tokleh tahan2, dia pon sama gelak besar! hahaha adehh...then aku cakap, 'saya beria lar guna slang indon ngan awak eks hahaha'. Ropernyer malaysian baru start kejer 3 minggu..

Harini nak wat per eks? rehat2 and lepak2 jer lah....amran got his routine badminton game kang...maybe tengok kejer sket kot..adehh..awat eh aku macam ala2 as if seolah2 seperti kind of haha cam terasa seperti nak masuk fasa bosan jer nih ngan kejer. hrmmm...

Dont take people for granted

Aku baru dapat tau bestfren aku si wa tu demam dan batuk2 teruk. ehh skang ni musim2 demam eks kat sana?..aduiii....once aku dapat tau jer...mmg risau sangat. ermm memang lama sangat dah tak berchat ngan minah tu...sejak dia kat company baru ni mmg busy sesangat..better pay, better position yes...but less time now...hrm...takperlah as long as she's happy working there ok dah tu. Back to her tak sihat tu, entah eks...once dengo citer jer pasai dia tu..hati rasa tak sedap, hati rasa risau sangat...i really really hope it is not something big or to be worried about..really really hope ianya sekadar demam2 biasa jer. Aku doakan semoga dia cepat2 baik and all tu takder apa2....korang, tolong doakan sama yer utk dia please...thanks in advance...Hrm...cam gitu lah..actually tak baik tau apa yg aku rasa ni, tp to be frank bila dengo citer pasal dia tu..for one good second aku macam ermm..macam..takut sakit dia ni buat aku kehilangan dia walaupon demam ajer. Of course la aku tak cakap cam gini kat dia kan..kang dia kata aku pkir bukan2 pulak...tp takot la...

Kita tokley take things for granted tau even if its demam2 biasa jer. Banyak kali kita dengo orang demam2 biasa jer then pass away...yer lah dah ajal dia..tp yg penting kita tak take for granted...atas apa2 pon actually. Mak aku dulu, dok sakit2 dada..angin..sikit2 angin..pi klinik biasa angin Dr kata..biasa lah orang tua..angin medu laa angin gastrik la..apa2..so dok makan ubat angin. Skali tu collapse kau and heartbeat dia dah very very low dah masa tu. aduss can still remember that moment. Masa tu aku tengah buat masters..exam sumer dah setel, tinggal ada final assignment nak kena submit. Aku balik drive dan dan tu gaks..and tu lah sekali2 nyer yg aku tekan minyak 160km/hr all the way ke ipoh. Bergegor keter tu jadiknya haha. Nak jadi citer, time tu gaks la kena tahan speed trap cisssss tp sebelum abg polis sampai kat tingkap aku nih, aku dah roll down the tingkap hulur driving license and cakap kat dia, 'encik, kalau nak saman saya, saman sekarang lah saya ada emergency ni mak saya masuk hospital.' Dia amik lesen tengok 1 second and let me go.

Yes, tengok2 jantung. Terkejut kitaorg. Nasib sesangat masa mak collapse tu masa adik ada kat umah depa baru lepas bekpes..abah ada kat luor basuh keter. Orang kata, jgn bagi collapse sampai jatuh kan? i dunno that's wat i heard..mak aku tak sempat collapse sbb adik ada. Dan adik tu pulak kebetulan buley balik ipoh the night before pada hari yg bekerja laks tu sbb dia ada hal..if not adik aku tu bukan jenis org la nak cuti and balik ipoh utk hal2 kecik..uishhh..Lepas tu memang berkampung kat pantai puteri tu, aku siap bawak laptop duduk bersila atas lantai sejuk tepi koridor spital tu nyiapkan asainmen aku tuh kat spital. Makcik pakcik aku datang visit agaknyer masa tu sure ingat aku ni rajin terlebeyy haha padahal nak kena submit dah the next day tu..biasa laa perangai last menet student nih ihikss subject economy laks tu ingat agik.

So, people..dont take for granted of your significant others eks....sbb tu la aku ni, kalau tengah selisih camana pon ngan amran, tiap kali nak kuor pintu umah time dia nak gi kejer tu..salam cium tangan cium pipi peluk2 macam taknak lepas tu tetap aku buat....sbb takut dan aku takmo ada regret dikemudian hari...itu time2 majuk lar..kalau time bukan majuk, taknak lepas sbb aku mmg pervert terhadap dia! hahaha

Wokessss......back to daily issues....hal-hal admin yg menyesakkan pkiran aku sumer dah clear yessss...alhamdulillah..hal visa setel dah tinggai next week jer nak gi and then wait. The bookings for all belum buat of kos sbb nak nunggu visa approval dulu and also tunggu duit grant tu yg katanya 1st week of march depa bank in (dapat email notification depa) then only i proceed. Rasanya takat yg aku buley ingat skang nih, sumer setel dah tinggal kasi perabih ajork paper yg aku tgh work on ini...

Coincidence?

Next week dah set appointment utk gi interview for the visa tu. Ha ah US ni nak kena interview bagai but depa2 ni kata takdak apa la..hopefully takdak apa la..tau jer lah country kita ni kan jatuh dalam kategori risk gaks pada depa tu. Amran dah submit cuti utk trip conference ni, memang dia kena chop apply awal2 sbb nak cuti lama sket kali nih..and also dengo2 si dennis pon nak cuti around that time. So walaupon aku lom work out lagik itinerary plan nyer agik kat sana sok, terpaksa gaks roughly put down baper hari and when nak cuti tu. Aku pon taktau time tu ada kelas ke idak eks, but blasahh kalau ada kelas pon aku monteng seharusnyer ihiksss....and owhh speaking of class, aku taktau bila beno2nyer semester hence class start nih..isyyy

Owh btw, kat tempat kejer amran tu katanya si john dah berlembut2 sket dah ngan depa2 staff ni...meaning, idaklah for a small simple mistake pon dia nak hangin bagai nak rak ker kan..depa ni biasa laa sikit2 maki jer..kejer tokley setel pon habih segala word dalam dictionary tu kuor. Aku mmg cakap kat amran, mmg org yg kuat mental jer ley dok kat tempat kejer dia tu dan slalunyer mmg fated gitu la kan. Si john dah macam jaga sket la staff dia sejak menjak susah nak dapat staff baru ni. Bukak for job vacancy but either nobody applied or nobody really suits the job gitu. Ha baru dia tau nak jaga current staff dia..if not complacent sangat coz the replacement was rather easy.

haihhh...aku nih paper aku tuh, seharian semalam writing hanya mampu dapat takat 6 paragraf jer ngko iskk. Aku skang ni asik sokmo terserempak jer ngan ada sorang senior melayu ni everytime balik dari roundhouse. Mula2 tu jarang2, then selang2 hari..tp lately ni dah macam kerap sangat laks. Timing tetiba cam kena jer laks tuk terserempak...walaupon actually timing aku gi ker roundhouse tu tak menentu. Dia on the way nak balik and i was on the way back to my building. So everytime mmg berenti tepi jalan bawah pokok redup2 tu sembang2 situ ihikss...sembang dari satu ker satu menda sambil kukikukik pon yer. Dia tengah writing dah skang..and yeah utk kesekian kalinyer dia pon kata payah uhh uhhh..so i heard.

Nak bagi tajuk aper nih??

Berapa lama masa yg korang amik utk bangun and motivated utk buat kejer balik lepas sesuatu failure?

Last weekend pegi dinner out ngan somebody atas invitation depa for a very small favor yg amran buat. So masa makan2 tu sembang2 la ngan my fren tu...tanya progress dia this and that. Then aku tanya dia penah tak dalam blajo ni dia frust sangat2 yg mengakibatkan dia down sangat2..Dia kata ada of kos...well aku rasa sumer org penah rasa gitu kan. Aku cuma nak survey tgk baper lama masa yg org lain amik utk bangkit balik. Back to this fren, dia kata seminggu. huhh seminggu huhuu..tu bukan down tuh, tu take a break hehehe tp dia kata mmg down sakan2..nanges2 and all..hrmm...tp lepas tu bangun balik to continue on with life. Penah dengo dak quotes saying something about it's not about success but it's about how you rise up after certain failures that signify u being strong or not...or something like that cant remember.

Actually, sepanjang kat sini aku ada one frustration yg sangat2 that i didnt know it took me so damn long to recover and rise up again. Baper lama? 6 months! hehe..yeap, 6 months to actually be back on my feet and move on. Orang tak pasan pon but i know somebody knows ehekss...actually aku sendiri taktau that i needed that long a time to recover! Result srp, spm tak bagus sgt pon okkayyy jer...result satu semester masa degree yg bawah tahap yg buatkan aku kena tahan biasiswa dan kena ikat perot & kejer part time pon okaayyyy jer lagik...frust cintan pon tak sampai camni...dulu frustrated fine but what da heck, u gotto move on gurl..ihikss.

So back to my current story, dalam jangkamasa frustration tu i didnt do actual work..i play, play and play...and bila aku akhirnya diberi hidayah *ahakss* untuk sedo diri dan bangun dan recover dan move on, it took me less than a month to rectify. Betul sangatlah tu, we are our own enemy. And hikmahnya, kadang perkara2 cam ni buat kita kenal diri kita more than we thought we know ourselves..got what i mean or not? nevermind, at least it is to me...in other words, from time to time we still learn about our own selves.

Sebenarnya come to think of it, it's all in our own definition. Macam my case, probably my weakness or setback is being too rigid stating down of what i want to achieve. And yes, achievement of a person may not be the same as others. Bukan masa zaman skolah2 dulu..kita ada standard point of achievement yg sumer yg nak capai so mmg boleh compare sesangat antara satu sama lain. This case, bila aku dah letak target tu, biarpon rendah..biarpon jauh panggang dari orang lain..tp bila aku tak achieve, to me that's a failure already walaupon pada orang lain tak. Paham dak maksud aku? Tu sebab setengah orang tak suker letak target, tak suker rigid sangat ngan apa yg depa nak capai. Amran for instance, dia mmg takde. Dia mmg biar keadaan be open and flexible so that dia tak kan kecewa sangat bila tak dapat. Bila dapat, mmg rezeki sunggoh. Tu lah bagusnya orang yg boleh think flexibly nih. But then, that's the difference between us both. Opposite attracts people say? ihikss..

Hrmm....tu lah apa2 pon, memang kena mintak hidayah lah sokmo2 semoga bila fail tu, kita boleh nampak opportunity lain and move on. And it's not easy to open eyes to other opportunities tau...so kalau korang ni kategori orang yg mudah nampak other opportunity ni, korang murah rezeki sebenonyer...

Moral of the story? Dont be silly and sulk over what's damaged for too long. Cry yes, by all means cry your heart out then move on. The problem with me is, susah aku nak nanges ihikss.. i mean, i think i cry over personal issues a lot more than i cry over study issues. Hrmm.. apa2 pon, it wont be lama sangat dah till the time i'm gonna finish this study sooooonnnnn!! And boy am i glad that at least i'm at this stage already, alhamdulillah.

Reminiscing

Aku kan..aku notice masa sebelum aku datang sini blajo kan..dedulu aku memang buley multi tasking. I mean workwise, memang buley buat 2,3,4 kejer skali gus at one time. Like mentara buat kejer yg ni, yg tu proceed and the other one tengah in progress. Tapi, as soon as aku land jer kat oz ni dan mulakan jer langkah pertama aku jadik student kat sini...entah camana aku tengok dan merasakan aku tak dapat nak multi tasking kejer. Tetiba sumernyer seolah-olah kena jadik one thing at a time gitu...betui..dunno how and dunno why, but that was the first difference i noticed masa mula2 sampai sini.

So mula2 macam takley nak gi gaks, cam risau gaks..cam..ehh apa kena laks ni kan., sbb aku nih memang jenis orang yg perati signals yg datang kat aku utk aku indicate kan things are gonna be ok or not okay for me in the near future..mmg gitu...and tetiba dah tokley cam dulu...semua kena one thing at a time, and kalau aku cuba nak proceed multi tasking jobs pon..mmg takdirnyer tak dapat..pending lar, and once one pending, the other one could not proceed..things like that la. Risau banget masa tu. Anyway eventually i've learn to accept and learn to do things one thing at one time. Walaubagaimanapon, recently..well not really recent sangat la..maybe setahun lebih kebelakangan ni kot...aku notice aku dah buley pick up dah and be back to my old self..macam buley multi jobs dah. Entah la eks....ker aku jer yg perasan...but one thing for sure, start blajo yg ni aku rasa seolah2 aku start from ground zero. Memang merangkak la nak naik tangga tu...but apa2 pon alhamdulillah atas apa yg aku capai takat nih..though may not be excellent tp i'm thankful enough i experienced and gained them.

Pehtu kan, masa dapat offer letter nak buat study ni dulu...and tengok depa prescribed sesiap ada 6 important courses/subjects nak kena amik kat sini...memang aku berdebar sangat. True, i can still remember my feeling ni once aku dapat tau aku ada 6 subject nak kena amik. Bukan sebab aku takot nak blajar tu, sbb aku rasa aku buley blajo..tp aku macam masa tu rasa, i'm gonna face difficulty blajo 6 courses ni. Menda2 lain aku tak riso pon...and i think true enough, i think setakat 3 tahun kat sini..aku rasa taking those 6 courses tu lah paling susah takat nih hehe well, perhaps because i know what's my biggest weakness kot. Phewwww lega banyak aku lepas sumer course tuh..if i were given a choice eks? i would recommend juniors takyah la enrol research study nih yg ada course hehe..entahlah maybe sbb aku ni kaki lupa kot hehehe pi mai pi mai, by the time aku nak apply menda alah yg aku blajo tu..i can guarantee mmg aku kena bukak buku, nota segala balik haha..silap2 dapat input lebey lagi dari masa blajo kat kelas tu ihiksss...

Tingin

Tingin sup tulang laa pulak ihiks...bila nak buat tah..smlm tak teringat nak gi beli pulak. Btw, gambo tu gambo cilok jer. Nampak sedap kan..huhu makan panas2 best woooo. Kadang2 aku cicah ngan roti jer sup ni nicey gaks.. hisyy nak kena tunggu weken la pulak baru leh beli tulang aiseyyyy..

Kewl

Could be used in the like presentations.

I need my dose of strawberry squeeze boost!

..in this hot hot weather!

I think yesterday was the hottest summer day that i couldnt even stay longer in school. Around 2pm, decided to walk home in that scorching hot heatwave. Tak tahannn...aircond not working...taktau la aku aircond tu kejap ok kejap idak. Dah report, mai datang kejap repair and then it's ok..pehtu rosak balik..hrmm..takper sikit lagi abis dah summer ni. The thing is, esok elok2 nak masuk sejuk2 jer..aircond ni dan dan working all fine. Dah ler aku ketor pulak hehehe serba tak kena jadinya haha. Kat umah pon paneh gaks..kipas yg satu tu rosak la pulak time2 nih..so dok hangkut lar seketul kipas yg ada tu, dari bedroom ker study room and ulang alik gitu hehehe..malehh rasa nak beli lain sbb bukan lama lagi dah pon kat sini kan.

Workwise, ok laaa..tinggal nak dok and make sense out of the data..next week jumpa sv bincang. Adehhh hopefully everything good la..sbb ada output yg doesnt show really good result. Takut aku seyyyy...

Neway, harini plannyer nak setel kan all those pending administration issues..melambak benonyer, tp aku dok pospon sbb dok wat kojer data analisis aku tu dulu kasi perabih, then next week dah nak start work on that paper. Hopefully all will get done by today or esok ker.

In between doing that, yeahhh of course will catch up on the dvd series hehehe..smlm emo lagi aku nengok citer tu hahaha and yes, nak gi beli strawberry squeeze boost today! huhuuu bestnyerrrr

Two is better than one

Semalam as some of u may already know, i was stucked in the lift while i was on the way to the surau. Yes, ALONE & AGAIN!!! ishhh apa kena laaa ngan aku ni eks hahaha asik2 nak sangkut kat lift jaaa..mesti jadik masa aku tgh sengsorang laks tuh iskk..tp kan, tak lar neves smlm sbb 1. aku dah penah kena skali dulu and their action to save me *save me tuh :P* was a quick one! and 2. sbb masa aku stuck tu lift tu dah kat ground floor theeheehee tak ah takot sangat hehehe. Actually pintu tu dah terbukak sket, aku nak melangkah kuar dah tetiba dia katup balik! Sib mmg ada lift emergency tepon dalam lift tu, angkat jer terus connect ker security guy and he contacted the lift technician. So in 10 minutes settle dah.

Semalam sembang2 ada member aku cakap smlm, dia pon penah kena gaks sangkut tp dalam lift yg penuh orang huhh aku rasa tu pon seksa gaks kot, sbb lemas gaks no especially kalau lama2 sgt...ermm sorang pon takot, ramai2 pon ngeri... serba tak kena hehe i mean, at least two is better than one lar if such thing ever happen again.

Happy weekend and happy holidays!

Note to self:
We make mistakes everyday...and we apologize almost instantly, but the one that cuts people the deepest is the one that we have to promise ourselves to not ever do that again. Then, all should be fine...how do we know which one cuts the deepest? It's in our own gut feel so we'd just know it.

Hypothetical speaking

Ok, aku dah tengok beberapa kali lalu dah output data analisis aku nih......and roughly can tell mana hypothesis aku yg support dan mana yg tak support...ada gaks yg tak support...aisehhh..aku run la gaks few times buang variable sana, buang sini...to improve the findings...ada yg improve, ada yg dok gitu gok. So, perhaps tu lah dia resultnyer kot. And when i talk around to my colleague and seniors these days, yeahh they say that's common. So am gonna simplify, summarize and then present these output to supervisor and get his say on this before pen down on analysis work. Who knows he want me to do something else to improve the findings. Let's see. Neway, hopefully things will be good for me. Next to work on is to edit that conference paper.

Aaaanyyyywayyy....ermmm sebenonyer kan..naper aku kena gi school hari-hari eks? Or rather bukan kena gi, tp nak gi. Padahal kat umah ni pon bukan ada orang...sengap soh sunyi gaks kan....naper naper? ermm..bukannyer kat umah tokley buat kojer kan..sumer keperluan ada kan..buley santai2 agik dalam buat kojer tu kan...kat school pon aircond kadang not working dalam room tu, paneh gaks....and kat school pon..ehekss....lom tentu full time aku fokus wat kojer kan..ihiks....ermm..tp agak2nya kat umah lebey tergoda utk tidoq kot or watch dvd ker..or kang ker dapur laks ker..hehe....ni kalau fudh ngan bat baca nih sure aku kena ceramah nih! huhuuu i'm not scared lalalala..hehehe

Gone for an interview

Semalam amran nak gi amik gambo for visa application..kat univ aku ni jer together with me. Tau jer lah, susah tul dia nak kuor dari kejer..mmg kejer dia tu payah nak kuor2......so semalam masa lunch time, dia pon tukor la uniform kejer into baju biasa2 nih. Ni dia aa citer kat aku... colleague dia tanya, "hey amran, where r u goin mate?". Amran dengan selamba kata, "for an interview".. hahaha terbeliak dennis ngan dave. hehehe depa then dok beria tanya betui ker betui ke hahaha..baru tau eks menggelabah hehehe....

Opis dia nih asik dok buang orang jer...ada slack sikit buang, melawan sikit buang..main sedap2 jer padahal kejer banyak, tak cukup orang. John tu rasanya dah complacent dah sangat ngan company dia tu...ala2 stable sangat dah kot. He also tends to rely too much on bob, a new immediate boss for amran who's a close acquaintance of john and speaking of bob, ahaa there's a whole episode of him and working issues there, next time i story-tell yea. Bunyi nyer cam aku nih bias towards amran eh? hehehe well maybe i am or maybe because i just known him too well of how practical and unbias he is when it comes to work-related.

Anyway, I sure think the company is making money so dia tak kisah main terminate2 orang as easy as touch and go hehe. Jobs still keep on coming in despite the economic slump last year. Aku ngeri jer bila dengo2 citer asik2 terminate orang nih huhh. tp amran cool jer . Issue terbaru nih pasai si dave ngan visa dia tu. The company patutnyer sponsor working visa dia yg dah nak mati bulan baper tah..tp katanya ni dok tok tek tok tek macam nak delay2 agik. owhh btw, si john haritu ada offer amran nak sponsor working visa dia..meaning, nak soh amran extend dok sini and kejer situ for how many years lagi laa...hehehe..

Amran mintak gaks opinion aku haritu camner..and we talked about this yeah. Aku, mmg takdak jalan lain i really have to come back as i'm bonded with the government aku cakap...but i say, it's his choice lah kalau rasa2 nak stay sini and kejer and have a long distance relationship, again yes.. hehe...bukan statement berani mati haha tapi trying to give options to him and let he himself decide. Afterall we had experience of dok jauh2 ni cuma..yg tu tetiap minggu bersua muka..yg ni harus lah setahun skali hehe huhuu...

He then asked me one question, good one i think. Dia tanya kalau univ aku ni offer aku kejer sini, good pay, willing to pay my working visa and we're able to bayar balik the scholarship loan..would i work here? ahaa...hehehe because we thought that's the whole issue of needing to come back home kan? but surprisingly it took me less than i thought to make up my mind and tell it out. I said, i will still decline and come back home...coz i have family back home. Okay la parents ada lagi aku kata..but even if they takder ker...hrmm....i feel obligated to be withb adik badik especially if and when they have troubles. Aku ni bukan la sulung tp macam...hrmm..kesian sangat bila depa bermasalah and i'm far and helpless...lebih kurang gitu laaaa...padahal bukan apa sangat pon. Perhaps i still think in a conservative way when it comes to this, yes perhaps..but work over family? family always win with me.

Dia tu ngan family close jugak but he's very practical i tell you. hehehe emosi2 ni datang second hehe..tp dia ngan mak dia mmg close banget..yes like bestfriend..and mother in law aku tu mmg sporting and understanding abesss. Mmg sabtu mlm tu time dia dating on the phone ngan mak dia. Being sulung kan, selain get updates of their happenings...turut sama kaki pot pet pot pet kat mak dia bila ada tak kena hehehe.

Neway, having said that to him regarding balik or not, he was clear about it and respect what i hold. Well, i think he agrees with me too as then he decides to not accept that offer. Family dia lagi lar perlukan dia kat sana nun. Especially now when he's so tensed and pressured with his work..he actually look forward to go home for good dah nih...owh nope, not pressured with work but the work environment and the immediate boss.

Rare and unexpected

Weekend this and that

Ok i'm sober now hehehe.....haha what a thing to start today's entry! terus nak tersengih tetiba hehehe macam la ronggeng sakan over the weekend...hrmm..weekend was just another weekend to me, brought back a pile of papers to work on but nahhhh..failed miserably at that...and yes, AGAIN! huhuuu...so just lepak2, outing kejap buy stuffs..watch dvd one three hill season 6 huhuu..tp tak abes agik...punyer ler emo aku tgk season hat kali ni tatau naper.....a mixed of touched feeling at the beginning of the series, sad and horror too! siap jerit2 bawah selimut tutup2 muka bagai agik! hahaha..

hrmm....nothing really interesting to citer lah...biasa2 jer....weather hujan jer sejak dari pagi sabtu haritu...very chilly and cozy laa...niceyyy...sbb skang kan summer...smlm sampai pagi ni pon still cam mendung ajer...slalunyer bila asik hujan ni jer cam nak tuko weather but i doubt that sbb still awal feb agik ni...should be april baru autumn...but i thought this time nyer summer doesnt really look like summer...i mean, kalau panas tu..panas leting and the next thing we know, ujan laks dah...rasanya last year lagi consistent summer dia...tp aku suker la cuaca sejuk2 nyaman camni hehe..

Okay, i have a huge pile of pending things to do now... sigh sigh....ni lah padahnyer pada seorang procrastinator seperti aku nih hehehehe...neway, let's hit it!

Yippie yeayyy!

Alhamdulillah aku dapat bajet conference kat US yg aku citer sblm ni tuh...syukur. Semalam dah nak balik dah tetiba mesej masuk, terus on balik computer nak baca email thoroughly! huhuu..Walaubagaimanapon, idak ler byk sgt dapatnyer sbb ada specified allocation for specific locations..aku memang apply maximum budget haritu and got it tp tatau leh cover aku sorang nyer whole expenses ker dak. Bergantung pada mahal ker idak flight ticket tu nanti. But apa2 pon better something than nothing i thought.

While amran is excited to go to the US, my first excitement yesterday was the fact that i could get the budget huhuu..alhamdulillah. The conference will be in portland, oregon and dont ask me..i know nothing yet about the place, what's there and all. Let me just enjoy this feeling of happiness before back to work pls hehe..neway, i've already listed down homeworks to do regarding going to this conference... u know, the flight tickets, accomodation, places and all. But the most important one is, to do the paper editing and submit for the proceeding publication. I have approximately 1 month to do that. Okay lar gaks timing yg diberi....owh mmg ada editing work to do based on the constructive comments that i've got.

Pehtu smlm...issue yg disembang2 ngan amran is about duit lah of kos hehhe..sbb bayangkan yg aku dapat pon lom tentu kaver sumer kos aku sorang, ni laks additional cost for amran kan. But of course i'd want him to go with me and he wants to go too hehehe kami siap reka2 and bincang2 dah reason to apply for his cuti nanti. Dia susah sket nak cuti neh...And about the money, once and for all..we dont mind forking out own money for this...sbb i dont know if i will this chance again kalau dah balik mesia sok. I doubt the employer would sponsor for US/Europe conferences unless i'm such, such & suchhh a hebat sgt ngan jawatan tinggi ker which is way, way & wayyy to go agik...wayy di awan biru agik tuh.

Then, duduk2 sajer smlm tu aku dok terpkir betapa la Tuhan tu dah mengatur segalanya cantik dah kan untuk aku. Aku jer yg tak tau and tak nampak. Betapa lar aku taknak nyer terima tutoring tu..betapa lar aku decline baper kali dah kat sv..betapa lar aku peram offer letter tu dari pengetahuan sv..betapa lar aku tak respon kat admin on that offer letter......tp the moment aku decide to amik and reply jer to the admin kata accept kemarin tu, the day after terus dapat approval for budget ni. And looking at things in hand, betapa laa aku bersyukur nyer pulak dapat buat tutoring tuh huhu sbb definitely, definitely duit tu akan disimpan utk top up cost gi US ni, insyaallah kalau takder aral. aduh aduhh alhamdulillah atas semuanya...insaf tetiba..

hrmm..ok dah lah pasal tu....workwise, am at final stage of data analysis already. By right, aku dah siap analysis..cuma, nampak sekali lalu ada few output yg tak baper cantek so tgh nak play around agik ngan analysis dia to solve the issues if i can. Then comes the stage of making sense of the result. Guna software baru nih mmg la aku tak reti sgt...school aku saper pon taktau sbb depa guna AMOS...jadik the past week aku dok ulang alik ker fakulti sebelah, information system & mgmt gi menuntut ilmu ngan phd student kat sana. They are helpful of course, thank God and as i am writing this, ada email masuk from one of the students there giving me two good samples of phd thesis that uses this software too. I hope that will help me too. So, all in all...thank you God...

Kisah misteri

Aku kan sejak menjak ada issue indian kena tikam kat melben dulu tu...aku jadik sceptic sangat bila jalan kaki ker school pepagi tu. Pantang nampak org len macammmmm jer...mula la conscious amat (ayaa spelling conscious? maleh nak cek dictiornary). Call me paranoid, tp takot la gaks..sbb mamat india tu tak silap aku kena tikam kat main road gaks, and ada satu kes fren to my fren..tgh walking ker school kat melben gaks..on a busy road agik then kena kidnap! huhh nauzubillah...

Ada skali tu..tengah aku jalan ker school tu..ada someone tegur dari belakang, "excuse me"...aku ni laks boleh takut nak toleh blakang pon, buley dak? haha...so instant reaction aku?? aku buley buat dek jer..jalan terus tp dah was-was dah hehehe...tp few second tu aku toleh gaks la nak nengok saper hehe..tgk2 pak polisi! tu diahh...rupanya dia ikut aku dari aku kuor pagor umah tu! jeng jeng jenggg hehehe..so i stopped and said, "did u talk to me?" dan dia kata, "yes" dan dia tunjuk badge polis macam horatio, hero ngko tu nyah! *nak gaks tu enterprem* hehehe then dia kata "do u live in this block?*dia sebut block umah aku tu*...then i said, "owh no, thats the next block after mine"...pehtu dia pon kata "owh ok, thanks"..and patah balik ke block tu. Looked like he was looking for someone there. huhh..kuss semangat aku sat...

Then ada one day tu aku tak kuor gi school agik...bekpes sesiap kat umah sambil melangut kat laptop..tetiba bunyi org tekan security bell kat bawah...aku nyer reaction? hahaha call me paranoid again, tp aku cam ehh saper laks kawan aku nak mai umah time2 kojer nih hehehe i believe kalau kawan aku nak datang, gerenti akan call aku dulu. huhuuu..dalam aku tgh berkira2 nak tanya saper dia kat interkom tu...tetiba pintu depan umah aku diketuk. jeng jengg jenggg hehehe tak abes2 eks haha......aku laks..aikkk..so it was really someone who wanted to come to this house. Aku pon pakai baju senonoh sket..gi pintu nak bukak......aku dengo pintu umah aku sedang dibukak kuncinyer!! nervous tak hengat masa tu. Aku masa tu dalam hati eee saper ni...ndak tak ndak kena bukak gaks pintu kan sbb org tu ada kunci, sure akan masuk one.

So aku bukak laaa...aku cam terbayang jer bila aku bukak pintu kayu tu...terjengul muka org jahat samseng pakai baju sleeveless ada tatoo ular kat lengan dia hahaha adehh..ntah2 ada motor harley park kat luor block ni eks kekeke hohooo nauzubillah..my imagination could run wild sometimes hahaha hehehe..roper2 nyer pompuan...pegang kertas and file..looked like house agent gitu hehe...kisahnya, mmg agent umah..nak gi this house number but different block hehehe..mmg block umah aku ni tak clear sgt number dia...fuhhhh saspens masa tu.

Wokesss...nak masak sat....apa nak masak ni??? owh owhh lg satu kisah misteri..tadi kan, sesambil wat kejer kan..aku dengo bunyi siling umah aku ni hentak2 ngko! first thought that comes to mind...tu diah tingat citer hantu kat hostel2 kan..yg sokmo dengo bunyi memacam malam2 kat tingkat atas tuh..jeng jengg jenggg....tp on second thought, dok pkir..alaa org atas buat pojek kot kuat sgt sampai terhentak siling umah aku nih hahahaha okesss daaa.

News! News!!

Nampak gayanyer cam aku kena gaks take up tutoring this semester..hrmmm.....hr tu ada citer rasanya, i was offered to tutor for this whole year (sem 1 & 2)...but i havent say my acceptance yet. Coz, i thought i dont wanna tutor dah...nak lepak2 plus focus on my analysis and writing thenafter. Hrmm....sv datang jumpa aku last friday and try to talk me into doing this. Aku 2 kali dah cakap kat dia benonyer yg aku takmo....nak buat kojer aku ni jer...but then he said i need some deviations from writing as it will be a boring job! heh heh..si mark tu tak kaco pon student dia soh teaching ker menda taw...but last2 dia cam paksa aku laks...macam tetiba bagi final say aku kena teach..cam siol jer hissssss aku masuk bab2 org paksa memaksa ni mmg tak gemor beno laaa. Hrm...tp nak lawan2 sgt sv ni payoh gaks...ada skali dulu aku dah melawan dia haha...dia soh aku anto paper ke satu conference tu aku tak anto hehehe anywayyyy...i think aku amik gaks la kot. Takperlah, duit masyuukkk gaks kan?...rezeki lar eks?

Second thing is,  huhuu..paper yg aku submit ker conference kat US sometime ago, accepted!! alhamdulillah syukur......huhuuu.....my biggest concern when writing that paper was to get my paper accepted coz it isnt easy to get thru to that conference. Especially when that conference normally accepts data-based paper and mine was not..and i thought i have no luck for that but thank God i have!! Must be good fate for me. Now, my second concern is...hehe gi ker dak? issue nyer? duit, duit...dimana kau duit hehehee....aku dah apply conference budget kat graduate research school..so see how my good luck goes this time...of course aku mendoakan aku dapat bajet ni amin amin....doakan sama utk aku yer?..thanks in advance....love u....and i pray u'll be blessed with good fortune too! amin amin....owh to you whomever prayed for the acceptance of my paper last time, thanks again and i love u too of course...always!! 

Note to all:

Share this happiness with me too, pls do...

Aku ingin....

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuatku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra
banyak kata
yang tak mampu ungkapkan
kepada dirimu

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
sepanjang hidupku

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku

meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu
sepanjang hidupku

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku

meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu

*tercipta untukku - ungu

Happy 7th anniversary to us! alhamdulillah.....may this love-bond lasts till death do us part..amin amin...