Masih

Jiwa dan hati
kacau dan galau

Apa dah jadi dengan aku??

Haiii.... tak tau lah aku kenapa sejak akhir2 ni...aku notice yg aku ni jadi malassss sangat nak study.. tak tau naper... selama ni walaupon jenuh jugak nak mencari, membaca dan menulis paper.. tp aku tak lah malas.. kiranya.. aku macam bersemangat jer dan positive thinking la jugak kategori orangnyer...*statement perah-santan*.. ini tak.. aku mmg macam demotivated, tak bersemangat dan sangat sangatlah malas.. even nak ke school, nak dok kat cubicle aku ni pon aku malasssss sangat... padahal selama ni aku suka jaaaa nak ke school...

Selalunya, bila bangun pagi aku akan start pikir apa aku akan buat harini.. apa topik yg akan aku tackle harini.. macam tu la lebih kurang.. lepas husband keje... sambung2 pulak berangan2 tu..tapi skrg ni.. celik jer mata.. aku jadi..dreadful sungguh nak study, nak ke school dan nak mengadap artikel2 tu.. apa dah jadi dengan aku??? Kenapa laa aku malas sangat sekarang ni.. haduihhhhh.. dah la kelas start next week, sure sibuk dgn assignment, paper reading, writing, submissions...so aimnyer nak siap kan la apa2 yg patut berkaitan proposal aku nih.. tapi hadoi laaaa.....isk tension aku!

Yang kerja yg aku kata dah siap haritu aku dah email dah pada sv aku tadi. Takde la aku betul2 byk mana pon.. just some grammars, sentence structure and also content edit sesikit.. haiyyohhh apa la pulak komen dia kali ni...

Brief report

Busy sket with reading but mostly cracking my head to come out with sensible writings

The body is feeling better..so I know.. those symptoms are due to work stress and sick of reading hahaha (someone's smiling there gotcha! :P)

Signed up for badminton game.. just for some sweat and tears hahahaha

Got an email from Jennifer outlining workloads I am gonna get thru out the semester which will start the week after next! Thus, more than often I'll disappear from this so-called blogland (really?? :P)

Bila petang menjelma...

....seperti waktu-waktu ini...tekakku terasa loya2... apakah tandanya???

Second entry for today...just an update..

Managed to complete writing on : "Introduction to virtual community that covers a brief review on definitions, benefits/importance, types and current debates". Phewwww tp still need room for improvement I guess before submitting it to my sv.

But body's still aching.. I think fever is on the way to gimme a visit huhuuuuuuuuuuu... malam ini kena telan itu panadol soluble lah nampak gayanya...sebelum ia sempat menjengah!

ta!

Saturday, when I was just relaxing after breakfast and all.. Yanie called. She and husband plans to go to the Paddy's market to buy some stuffs and also some prawns, squids and all and they invited us along. So, me and hubby ended up going to Paddy's. After all, we need to buy those food.

Sunday, hubby and Farid went to the airport to fetch hubby's friend who just came from Malaysia. The wife is gonna enrol in UniSyd. After Maghrib, both of us went to Malaysia Hall just pay them a visit. Filled them with info as well.

Baked curry buns yesterday. Lost appetite though.

Body is not feeling that well, dunno why. Please dont let it be fever or something. Can't afford that. I have work to do, essays to write. Besides, the semester is about to start very soon and am gonna be really busy.

Today, I woke up not feeling good as well.. just prepare beef burger for both of us for lunch. still I can feel my body's aching or something.

Later.

Yeap... shopping i did! :P

Signed off from my computer yesterday and met hubby at the bus stop at gate 14. We waited for a while and then hopped on the bus. We had fish and chips first for dinner so that the growling tummy won't disturb my shopping mood. Well.... I basically shopped some clothes, a sweater to prepare me for winter and perhaps the cold wind of autumn that's gonna be here early next month. Ah, I also bought a skirt to be worn at home. I like this one..for one thing it's cheap, only aud5 for a nice knee length skirt (that's why it will only be worn at home) and the skirt has this one kinda sexy, trendy look with it. I bought one earlier before I flew back to Malaysia and when I saw that the price is still the same, I just grabbed another one.

Hubby bought 2 t-shirts and the rest we just bought some plastic containers for me to store some food stuff, night lamp and some stationery items. Oh we also bought this DIY night stand as bedside table for me to put my bed-time novel, lotion and a bottle of plain water. That's all!

Oh .. yesterday talked to Warat and he has given me some light on how to tackle my writing aka mental block problems. See... it's good to talk to other PhD/research students for you never know how much they are able to help us. So today, I worked on another construct. Seems like am not having such a bad time as the last 2 days...though...something is bothering mind... I remembered I told my supervisor to submit to him writing on the earlier construct which I have skipped and moved on to another huhuuuuuuuu.....Today, he tagged me to a new MPhil student.. just to show her on the procedures to enrol.. He told the student to not bother me that long for as he told the girl.."she is busy doing some writing to submit to me...when is it Hazliza?"... and I replied...with smile of course.."sometime this week" huhuuuuuuuuu kerja kerja kerja... tu la pandai2 sangat carik keje walaupun supervisor tak bagi kerja.. rasakan! uhukk...So, now my mind is working so hard to come to an excuse of not submitting the earlier construct but another one hahahahaha... pikir ija pikir...*sambil malam ni boleh mimpi ittew Nine West clutch*

So, itulah dia... feeling a bit *a bit jer* better sbb ada hasilnya sikit today....I am about to go home now to drop by at Coles for some grocery shopping... and will of course be bring back a stack of articles... hoping to have some output by Sunday.

This Sunday, hubby's friend (used to be his customer) and his wife will arrive.. I might cook something... but then again.... I might.... see how.

2.55pm

My watch shows 2.55pm and I've been working on this writing since morning. All I get is an advanced of 2 paragraphs after yesterday's.

Not productive.

Not good, not good.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Ended up:
- Read blogs
- Leave comments on others' blogs
- Switched to another construct

And now, contemplating of... should I go shopping this afternoon?? Should I or should not.. I feel like going but a small voice from deep within myself says "no, dont waste time" but another evil voice in me says " what if the same thing happen.. staring at the monitor for only-God-knows how long...might as well go for the retail theraphy for a short break"..

So which one wins??

Kita tungggguuuuuuuuu laporannya esok!

Ta!

Mental block

The first time is the hardest so they say. And that's what I'm facing at the moment..I only started to write today after a week plus of reviewing a stack of articles of a particular construct and realized that I have mental block! I practically stared blankly at the screen pondering on the right first sentence to start with. Only after a few attempt (which means deleting sentences & words over and over again) that I finally managed to come out with a paragraph which I should say, a weak one. While staring at the one paragraph, I kept on thinking of which angle/aspect should I start with.

Shortly after, my hubby came to whom I greet "Ija tengah buntu fikiran nih"..some sort of hint of... 'don't mess with me, now' :P

So there goes. Even I am lost of tales to write about in this blog, it seems.

Later

Invites and all

Am I anti social?? I'm sure this question receives big grin on your side..The question come to mean in the context of me, a student in this school of marketing...I have received numerous invites for social gatherings from my colleague and school officers such as dinner invitation, weekend bbq invites and even coffee invites at my school... but thus far, I have been declining those invitations. And when I rejected the second invitation in a day just now to go out for dinner from my Thailand colleague, it started to make me think am I such an anti-social lot in this school of marketing?? I dont know, maybe my colleague and school's officers have started to think of me as one..perhaps..*shrug* I think, I have only gone out with my colleague here once for a birthday celebration (I blog about this in my ol' blog) and that was because I can't run away coz I was one of the birthday gal..no excuse haha! It turned out fun, anyway..

After that, my colleague have organized few bbq-s at Coogee beach and Christine's house in Coogee some time ago...the first was just for fun after the semester ended and the latter was in conjunction to Emma who were leaving for London. Though Emma is such a nice friend, I didnt go to the bbq as well..Some of the events were hold in the weekends and..... me holding on to the excuse as a newbie here, felt that I shouldnt leave my husband alone behind..(lame excuse I know!). Other than that Daisy, Kun Ying, Warat, Nui, Hazel have numerously invited me to go along with them for dinner.. but still I decline ..I think the reason why I decline was that I fear I couldnt mingle with them...This morning was the second invites from Nadia for coffee at the boardroom... for just morning chit chat...last time it was at a cafe..my reason this morning was.... I am in the midst of reading.. and already had coffee at home prior to coming to the school.. lame excuse again??

Well.. now that I realize this, I think I shouldnt be dissappointing them again in the future, yes? (If there are any more invites)..I should learn to mingle with other than Malays.. I should.. yes, I should...Not to say that I didnt mix around with my colleague.. I do.. but mostly in school and not in the social gatherings...

We'll see....

On a different note, I was visited by my supervisor today. I emailed him earlier this morning just to tell him that I am in the school already after a 3-weeks holiday.. so the email was to tell him that.."I'm here, studying" hehehe....so in the email I also told him that I am now starting to work on this particular subtopic and hopes to get it done by this weekend so that next week I can get to submit it to him...talking about this.... my supervisor is not a pushy person.. at least to-date, he hasnt been that pushy to me.. yet. It is me who initiate writings and initiate submissions and also will initiate meetings. Isnt that wierd? I sometimes feel envy of my other PhD friends here or elsewhere when they say their sv has scheduled specific date lines for meetings. I think it can push you to work towards that deadlines.

So, that is why I need to make the first move with my sv so that I can feel myself being pushed hehe..but.. Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah... I think I can work independently.. I know when and how to start working (and also when to enjoy more! hahaha)..I'Allah it will lead me to the right way...and I think my sv realizes this also as he once commented when I seek for his approval to not coming to school for a week (while Delinn and Ky were here) that he said.."it's fine with me as long as you know what you are doing".

I also told him of the courses that I needed to attend this semester *dreading it already* and that I intend to defend my proposal by this year (uhhh it is me who give the schedule again)...

Ah.. gotto stop here for now.. hubby has been waiting here for more than an hour already (while gets to read online news) and I have so many times heard him yawn already.. I should take the hint..

Daaa

Oh my my!

Look at what Phd has done to me and I am only 6 months into it and yet have forgotten one of the most important events in my life...

I have forgotten my 5th wedding anniversary last Feb 1, 08 and to top that up, I have even forgotten to blog about the day!! How can I forget the day?? Definitely not because of my age *LOL* !!! Blame it on my trip back home and also on my PhD pursuit! hahahahaha....

I was reading a blog and she wrote sumthing on her wedding anniversary and only then I realized that I have let that special day of mine be gone without an intention to at least mark it in my blog. Screw me!

Alright, u might think that I am such a drama queen, think all u want.. for I might be one *LOL*

*Serious mode*

It has been 5 wonderful years with my hubby..(alamak skimanyer.. kekekeke). If I am not into my PhD, I would have feeling so sad that have no kids yet so far... but since I'm still studying.. I take it as God has better plans for me, yes? He knows better when is the perfect time for me and hubby to have one....Not that I dont want babies in between my study period, but like I said I'll accept whatever God has planned for me...

I actually remembered my anniversary on the day itself, 01.02.08 and even my hubby too....we just wish one another but somehow, on that day.. too many things occupied my mind (dont know about my hubby) that I just let the day passed without feeling special on that day.... (azam baru, next year nak make it special on the day). Whatever it is, I am happy with my hubby, with my life now.. although away from family and hometown.. struggling to study my PhD, on top of them all, I am happy and bersyukur ke hadrat Ilahi for all the things that has been granted to me...for the loving husband who understands me all too well and tries to satisfy and make me happy as much as he can....We have our weaknesses.. even our marriage do but I accept it as it is and knows that they are actually carved perfectly for both of us in this world....

I wish and pray that our marriage will last forever, blessed with rahmat and whatever difficulties that we face along the way, we'll be patient and able to solve them...Amin....

itu jer...

Snapshots of the pictures...

The Kelantan clan...

The traveling...

The tours...

The end...

Back to school

Yes and back to the normal routine.. yesterday... after browsing the net and catching up reading blogs, reading and replying emails and also watching dunia baru (huhuuu....Darius nak ceraikan si madi.. sunggoh dayus~ ikut telunjuk bapak)...I went back home together with hubby at about 5.30pm.. we dropped by at Coles to buy some groceries. Once home... lepak2 a bit.. kemas2 a bit..landing on the sofa for a while... then hubby kejutkan utk tido atas comforter yg dibentangkan kat carpet....I continue on sleeping while hubby beside me, watched tv... I woke up at about 2am... nudged hubby up and we went into the room to sleep properly on the bed.

This morning... clean up the kitchen a bit... then off I go to the school... and all the same routine again....

Sunyi!

Terasa asing bila dalam bas duduk sorang2 di seat tu when selama 10 hari ni ada Ina di sisi dan Ky di samada depan atau belakang kerusi... terus terasa sunyi pulak...tadi masa berpisah dengan Ina kat departure gates tu... rasa sedih and sebak... tapi ditahan2kan jugak... ye lah... lepas2 ni.. maybe dalam setahun lebih lagi lah kot baru nak jumpa....dia pun masa aku jerit sket dari gate tu nak bg tau sket pasal customs area tu.. dia sekadar angguk2 jer and tak turn blakang pon.. sure dia pon sedih...Lepas tu .. berjalan2 sekitar arrivals hall sbb nak menghala ke bus stops.. sungguh terasa sunyi and lonely...tapi bila dah naik bus... layan fikiran tentang study yg akan aku hadap balik ni... langsung kembali normal....

Rupanya ada bus to and fro airport Sydney.. both domestic and international ada satu bus.. 400. Takpelah.. senang lah sket lepas2 ni....It takes about 45 minutes utk terus sampai ke pintu gate UNSW. So aku terus masuk ke school utk Internet browsing jer harini.. belum ada momentum nak start tengok artikel...Masuk jer ke kawasan school... terasa macam.. lamaaaanyaaaaaaaa aku tinggalkan school ni hiks!

Semalam first try buat roti guna my new bread and dough machine... menjadi cumanya.. tawar lah sbb garam dah habih malam2 smlm tu.. and hubby dah tido utk mintak dia gi beli...so blasah jer la... buat roti kari daging...start buat roti tu pon dah malam beno... dok tgk depa packing la....tgk depa upload gambo2 la...

All in all of course it was fun to have them here... memang penat sbb berjalan seharian.. aku rasa aku tambah penat lagi kot dr depa sbb.... sebagai host kan, bangun prepare breakfast utk hubby and utk kami and also lunch untuk di tapaukan... balik dpd berjalan pulak... nak prepare dinner pulak.. cuma ada kadang2 tu makan kat luar or leftover dr lunch tu jer.. bila balik rumah jer dr berjalan.. segala tupperware2 bekalan tu.. esoknya baru clear up kan... pancit ok hehehehehe...aku rasa macam aku turun kot barang sekilo berat hahahaha....

Disebabkan bila aku sampai sini jer terus Ina and Ky ada sama so kesedihan yg aku rasa bila berpisah dgn kakak and family tak le terasa sangat sbb busy tetiap hari... Ni pon sejak aku balik... aku tak bercakap lg dengan kakak and dik an on the phone.. maybe malam ni kot....

Talking about cars pulak, hubby dah macam comfortable having or driving a car to and from his office... 5-10 minutes drive jer... tengok la camana.. kalau boleh dapat yg murah....

Harini.. aku just nak lepak kat Internet, catch up baca blog2 member2 yg mmg aku tak dan nak baca selama 3 minggu sbb... url takde.. sumer save kat pc kat school ni jer... my Internet capacity kat rumah tu dah kaput hehehe first time eva.. belum pon setengah bulan, Internet capacity aku dah kering kontang.... berbeza dengan sebelum2 ni.. di mana aku kena saje2 browse nak perabihkan capacity tu... maklum laa... bila 3 orang bloggers tegar berkumpul... maka.. tuan rumah kena la bagi laluan hahahaha....

Wokeh lah... later2 sambung... oh ya... utk citer2 sepanjang stay Ina and Ky kat sini... kindly visit Delinn's blogs:

Daaaaa

Kecik jer dunia ni....

Dulu.... sebelum aku nak masuk UNSW ni... aku actually dah aim nak masuk USM.. dah dapat tempat and supervisor dah dapat pun.. dan dah ber'liase' bagai dah pun dengan sv kat USM tu... tup tup buat kat OZ.. so aku just email jer lah sv tu bgtau dia..tak jadi buat kat USM and she did her PhD in UNSW as well...so dia kasi la tips2 sesikit sebelum fly hr tu...

Harini.. ..tadi gi Malaysia Hall kejap nak dry baju sebab cuaca mendung and sejuk.. and also nak bawak ky and delinn merasa gi Malaysia Hall.... sembang2 dgn sorang akak ni.. dia dgn husband dia and ada one more couple.. tp aku more to chatting with akak ni la... tup tup.. dia tanya buat phd kat mana? sape sv? and sape nama? aku cakap la H...then dia cakap.. " oo ni la H...H..?? " Aku kata "ha ah"... rupa2nya.,.. alkisahnya.. dia lah sv kat USM tu.. yg kalau aku buat PhD kat USM hr tu dgn dia la.... tu diaa.. what a small world kan? Kat mesia tak jumpa dia..tp kat Sydney pulak jumpa.... so sembang2 agak lama jugak la tadi mentara tunggu kain di keringkan... ada la dia bagi tips se das dua...

Tu jer nak citer... citer pasal jalan2.. tunggulah Delinn update blog dia esok...Harini bawak diorg gi Royal Botanical Garden, Circular Quay & Opera House, shopping complexes kat city ~ David Jones, Myers, Sydney Plaza, Sydney Centrepoint~ and Hyde Park.

Membawa pelancong

Lambat lah aku nak update sbb busy... busy entertain guests outdoor and indoor..:).. tapi takpe.. both Delinn and Ky akan update and in fact Delinn update detail bagai.,..so takyah la aku update detail...aku link lah lagi utk kesekian kalinya ke blog Delinn.... kekekekeke...

Day 1
Day 2

Semalam hubby pon dread nak start keje yelah.. dah cuti lama kan.....aku pon pepagi lagi dah kena bangun dah la..lepas dia pi tu,aku sempat melenakan diri balik kejap.. then bangun balik utk prepare masak.....Semalam actually nak terus ke Opera House and perabihkan masuk all shopping complexes kat nearby area yg kitaorg gi smlm tu.... tp disebabkan pelancong pancit, maka.... program dihentikan and balik .....wanted to go t0 Coogee petang2 sket lepas hubby balik keje pon kensel sbb pelancong2 krohh krohh....hiks! Aku dah biasa jalan yg jauh2 and lama2 gini sejak kat sini... depa mungkin belum biasa kot... so day 2 tu macam warm up jer la....

Weekeend ni ada plan yg menarik utk pelancong2 aku ni.... tp depends on the weather jugak lah... kalau weather cun, proceed lah.. kalau idak... maybe not... aku plan nak bawak depa gi petik apple, pear and lemon kat Bilpin.. tp tu lah.. tgk weather cemana...otherwise gi scenic area je lah...

I'm here! I'm here!

With dread and sadness, I walked through the departure gate today together with hubby and Delinn.. Am still feeling down and sad.. Farhana and I and also Dik An have come to be sooo close especially after seeing them again after 5 months leaving them...but.. I can see that Farhana is matured emotionally as she tried to cover her sadness behind her smile as much as she could....I hope she's ok.. especially when now she already go to school....

More detail story of departure tale, pls go to Delinn's blog :) We have excess baggage again! that this time we have to leave behind one bag that will be couriered by my mom later...Those all are baju-s in it. Ah.. my rempah sup Faiza also got confiscated damn! Luckily on 3 packs of them, not the others.

It is raining today in Sydney.. they said it has been been raining for the past week, so it is a bit chilly here, I like! Abg Hasan fetched us just now at the airport as I've requested earlier..once home, hubby did a bit of unpack and then dozed off while me and Delinn...are here.. taking turns to use the Internet huhuu..

Pictures will be uploaded later..

ok daaaaa.

New Lappie

Hiks!...New addition.. I bought a new Acer Aspire laptop yesterday.. a smaller than the existing one...2kg and 12.1"...Been wanting to buy this actually before I fly but... due to money constraint..I just ignore. However, my existing laptop is already so 'heavy' with things in it.. I dont know how to format or whatsoever.. so I decided to just buy a new one.. after all that laptop is already 4 years plus of age.....

Next entry should be type written in Sydney.. sob sob!