Random part 2 (copy & paste from my other blog)

Met my supervisor formally yesterday though I should say, we didnt discuss that much in formality. Actually, I bumped into him the day before yesterday.. he asked me of how my being and studies and progress and all.. so.. casually I told him (I was filling the jar with cold water at the time) that i intend to see him either tomorrow (that's yesterday) or the next day (that's today). I also told him that I wanted to streamline my research progress seeing that I did not progress that much to date and that worries me a whole lot. But.. he explained bits and pieces while standing in the kitchen pantry and also while walking towards his office, he invited me in and so we continue talking a bit in general.

Well.. I have decided to not discuss my research that casual. And, to my surprise and dissappointment.. when I asked about his view on the proposed area that I submitted him last time (last yr remember I submitted 1 whole chapter before going back to Malaysia for 2 weeks).. he suddenly mention that that area or topic or idea doesnt seem of interest or rigor enough to warrant deeper investigation. I was damn shocked! But of course, maintained cool and keep this to myself... but.. why didnt he mention this that time when he gave me his feedback which... generally was only on GRAMMAR!I was furious inside.. but of course I didnt show it to him. He also said that, he'd prefer me to give the whole proposal in one short so that he'd be able to see the sequence, rationale and whatnot.. to which I disagree (and only say this in my heart). Anyway, I didnt voice up my views on this either..i just let it be and go back to my place to do some thinking over what he has said.

So, after seeing him that day, I was down, really depress and sad thinking that.. my God! I have spent nearly 8 months on that area and suddenly only now he said, that is not much of a fruitful area..so.. really in no mood.. (that explains the mundane environment which is reflected in my writing in this blog these days. So.. I went through my assignment for yesterday, it was SPSS result analysis and that took my mind and mood away from my current worry for a little while.

But once home, the sadness and dissappointment and emotional turndown come again....and I just go to sleep right away. Hubby had his maggi mee as dinner at my office while waiting for me finishing up my work.

Come morning (yesterday), I have decided.. no! I have to see him (my sv) again and clarfiy this and point up my views .. I'd better or else I will be in a dilemma and worried and lost. So yesterday I went to his room with a list of agenda I'd like to tackle and clarify with him. So I did and alhamdulillah I braved myself yesterday for... what's not clear or might be misunderstood by both parties (mostly me) are pretty much clarified.

1) I asked about my research progress whether I am behind schedule (which to me, yes I am.. coz already 8 months and everything seems to be still vague) but not to him. He said i am well intact with the schedule (really?) and to not to worry too much over it. He'd push me if he finds that I'm way behind schedule. Ok. First question answered.

2) I intend to defend my proposal by the end of this year and that leaves me with another 9 months to go.. do u think it is possible? By asking this, actually implicitly I am implying that i) I wanna see if he keeps track of my progress and ii) to tell him that I really wanna stick to this plan of study which i have submitted him in the beginning of my study. So, he said, okay.. by aug (1 yr) I should have my draft proposal completed and we'll work from there.. knowing that of course the proposal will go back and forth, back and forth for hundreds of time. Ok. I agree and will take this challenge. 2nd question answered/solved.

3) I voiced up that I dont agree with his suggestion to get the whole proposal completed first then only show him.. coz.. I dont want to be doing a model and literature review and methodology and spent months on it to be discarded after the first submission. That would waste my time. So i suggest to him that why not I submit to you chapter by chapter starting with the LR first? Then he said.... no....apparently what he meant was.. for me to get the whole LR part completed and submit to him instead of submitting topic by topic... hrm.. although some of my friends did this way which I think is useful (topic by topic) but well...I erm..take his suggestion coz well.. that maybe is his style.. so.. no harm.. I'll do as he suggested. 3rd problem clarified and solved.

4) I told him that yesterday (day before yesterday) he mentioned on the weak potential of my proposed topic/area in PhD research.. I showed him a list of all latent constructs that I have proposed to him last time and asked him... should i divert to another area or did u mean any particular construct that u're not happy with. Okay.. for this particular question.. he seems to be belit here and there like how an original bangla would do *LOL* keh keh keh... suddenly he said, not that he disagree or discourage with the idea/area but.. on the virtual community idea seems so virtual and vague and he cant really see the potential in it. And also he said that he browsed a while on this and found little literatures on this. Well... but he also added that if I think there is potential in this topic and can prove it to him, we might settle on this one.. so... in other words.. it's on me. Well.. although not that satisfied with his answer and the question is not fully answered.. erm... I guess i should stop at that first and see what I can prove to him in my writings..because I see so much potential in this online social networking thingy in marketing.

So... all in all, I am pretty satisfied with the meeting.. and feels that my mind is cleared and my confusion is somehow clarified.

So now I agree with the saying.. that communication with your supervisor (or anybody else) is of utmost important... but.. I always takut-takut one to talk to him.. not confident and low self esteem.

Oklah tu dulu.